They say you can recognise someone again, even after years have passed – be it by their face or by different triggers, like a recognisable voice that rings in your ear, even after years have passed or a certain accessory you once liked on someone.
But lying deep underneath the familiar “hey, I remember this person!” are deeply rooted emotions. Happiness, Anger, Fear, Pain.
...
Do you really know what really sucks? Making a mistake and knowing you can never revert things back to how they used to be. It’s certainly not easy to accept you did something wrong and live with it.
...
This feeling hit me, like a knife trying to gut me. Yet… I stood there. Nearly frozen in shock, as I saw those damn, familiar emerald-green eyes staring at me. “Hello? Are you alright?” After a moment I snapped out of my thought process, looking back to the tall teacher. “You look like you saw a gho-” “No, I’m fine Mr. Limberg.” Cutting off a teacher is rude, I know, but I had no other choice. With those factors, I couldn’t risk causing a big commotion on the first day of school. My father would’ve killed me.
The teacher raised an eyebrow but nodded, as he gestured to me to continue talking. “Hello everybody, my Name is Mei.” The class seemed quiet to my response, some of them quietly whispering to each other. I had a bad feeling about this already. Didn’t we do the same back then...? My mind reeled again as old memories resurfaced.
“Ahem.” After a few seconds, the teacher reminded me of my existence in reality again, by clearing his throat deliberately. “Very well then. Please, take a seat next to our class representative.” Who? But the answer was obvious, wasn’t it? I walked over to the empty desk in the back near the window, each step getting heavier as I had gotten closer to this Girl. From that moment on, I realised that not only home could feel like hell. Everything close to her began to feel cold, as the scraping of pencils on the notebooks grew louder around me.
...
You know, Recognition roots itself deep, like an old tree standing in a deep forest of minds. The moment something sends vibration through the earth, branches tremble and leaves whisper voices once forgotten, as scents, touches and laughter from long ago swirl, stirring delicately in a dance of memory. Seeing this girl again though, wasn’t a delicate dance. It was a violent storm, trying to rip my tree in one go.
...
Yet, the light around her seemed warm, as it actually felt pretty nice on my face. “Hi. I’m Gianna.” She reached out her hand, trying to welcome me with a perfect, bright smile as I sat down on my new seat. Are you toying with me? But something felt natural in her tone. Then it dawned on me. My hair, my make-up, the vastly different attitude – everything was different. Since the summer-camp last year, I changed quite a bit. Nevertheless, I still hate my father for dumping me off to it.
After I took her hand, Gianna held it for a moment longer than necessary. “…Funny. I feel like I’ve seen you before.” My muscles tightened, taken aback by her casual demeanour. I wondered if she truly didn’t recognise me, or if she simply chose not to. After all, some people prefer to forget the worst parts of their lives. But something… felt different. Her way of presenting herself was completely opposite to the Gianna I knew.
Politely, I let go of her hand and gave her a poor fake smile, not that I would’ve been able to give her a real one anyway. “Maybe.” Afterwards, I added a nervous laughter, trying to keep the situation under control. “Nice to meet you.”
Luckily, the teacher intervened the situation by continuing the class. I don’t think I would’ve been able to keep up an awkward conversation, especially after I just met her again. Looking out of the window, the day felt like a nice summery day, yet inside, my mind boiled like a pot on the stove, as thoughts emerged again, that I didn’t really wanted to remember.
When I looked back at her, Gianna had already turned away, concentrated in scribbling something in her notebook. Mr. Limberg’s voice faded into the background as he went on with his lesson, my mind clearly concentrated on other things.
Seeing her like this, after everything that had happened, somehow made me feel a little proud of her. Just, I was fascinated how well she was doing, so far to actually become class representative.
Just for another moment, i allowed myself to take another glance.
Gianna sat slightly leaned over her notebook, one hand supporting her chin while the other took notes.
“Miss Kyouko.”
Up close, I noticed things I hadn’t seen prior. Were those piercings? Two small helix piercings decorated her right ear, reflecting the sunlight whenever she moved. The caramel-blonde hair fell loosely around her shoulders, the soft bangs barely touching her eyebrows. Together with the sunlight, Gianna simply looked… Dazzling.
“Miss Kyouko!” I finally snapped out of thinking, as I realised I have been called several times by now. “Y-yes Mr. Limberg?” Quickly, I changed my attention to the front of the class. “It would be nice of you, if you could follow my class with utmost attentiveness.”
Mei, focus! With a heavy sigh and heavy scraping on the paper, I started to take notes. I could hear a quiet giggle from the left. Shoot, she noticed me staring.
The moment the bell rang, announcing the end of the Lesson, several students immediately approached our desk, though mainly for Gianna.
“Gia, are we still meeting after the school club?”
“Did you already talk to the music club teacher?”
“Don’t forget the meeting tomorrow.”
Gia was her new nickname. Watching her with the others felt… strange. A part of me was relieved, but another wondered how she erased the other part, that part of her life. But maybe it was simply better this way.
I can hardly remember what happened the rest of the day. It really passed in fragments.
Math. History. Physics.
I was glad when the final bell rang, freeing me from this situation. Needing time to process everything, I stepped out of the classroom, before a voice stopped me-
“Hey.”
Of course it was her.
Carefully, my body turned around, facing Gianna fully.
“I just wanted to let you know, if you need help finding anything around school… just ask.”
“Thank you for your help.” we parted ways, going in opposite directions.
I thought the worst part of my day had already gone by. I was wrong. Home was waiting for me.
The moment I stepped outside the building, the warm sunlight hit my face again. But somehow it didn’t feel warm any more.
...
Sometimes recognition doesn’t bring comfort.
Sometimes it only reminds you of everything that went wrong.
And sometimes… you realise what you truly feel, even after all this time. I felt guilty, ashamed of my actions. Or rather the lack of.
Still, deep down, one feeling remained the same – That warm sensation, deep within my heart.
Those damn, emerald-green eyes.
it’s the moment you realise your heart never really moved on.
END OF CHAPTER 1